We got up this morning at about 8 and went to the host church in hopes that we would have our marriage blessed. The speaker list for this conference was incredible! Dr. Gary Smalley, Dr. John Trent, Gary Thomas, Dr. Del Tackett, and Beth Moore with Jeremy Camp leading worship! Wow...surely one of these amazing speakers would have something to say that would be impactful!
The day was definitely a blessing in many ways. The conference was not exactly what I was expecting going into it, but it was still amazing. I had gone in expecting that it would be lessons filled with practical application for marriage...but, to me, it seemed to be more theory/heart oriented...which is still very powerful and can still greatly impact your marriage! Some of the main points that I came away from the conference with were:
Gary Thomas "seeing your marriage through the eyes of God"
Marriage is a spiritual Challenge -
Most people go into marriage with wrong expectations and then blame each other for not having their needs fulfilled. Then, due to frustration with their spouse and shame of themselves for the flaws that marriage has shown them in themselves, they want to get out...but this doesn't fix the problem.
James 3:2 We all stumble in many ways...
(we all have flaws, we all will mess up...going into a new relationship with a new person is not going to change that...they may have different faults, but they still have faults.)
We are often blinded to our own sin and blame the problems in our marriage on our spouse.
we expect marriage to be easy. What if God did not design marriage to be easy, but to teach us how to be holy?
WOW! This was a question that I found thought provoking. I had never really thought about marriage like this before. Could it be that God made marriage an instrument through which to draw us to Himself and to make us more like Him by showing us things about ourselves through the trials and struggles that we may face in our marriages? I'm going to have to think about this one for a while to really wrap my mind around it!
Gary Thomas also said that having a great marriage is not about "How to" but "Heart to." He said that we too often loose heart in our marriages, expecting that "loving feeling" to last forever and when it doesn't, we become discontented and long to find that feeling again...often outside of our current marriage.
A few more statements from Gary Thomas to think on.
"Are we asking our spouse to be more than what God designed them to be?"
"Marriage isn't about being young together, but about growing old together."
"You should love your spouse out of reverence for God."...not because of how they treat you. ("think of God as your Father-in-Law.)
"When does a man stop being know for what he is and begin being known for what he isn't?"
Beth Moore - "The bride of Christ - How your marriage should reflect Christ and His Church"
I am now in my second Beth Moore Bible study, and I love her! She has such a great sense of humor and a way of relaying things that can be quite powerful.
She began her talk today by reading Eph. 5:21 - 32
Beth talked briefly about submission and that if we really understood what submission was as women that we would not mind it. She stated that, "God holds the husband accountable for what happens in the home, family, and marriage."
Beth had done a survey about satisfaction in marriage on her blog and she had found that in the group of people surveyed, the men were usually more satisfied with their marriages.
She then went on to tell husbands some ways that many wives view things/marriage
1. we have a problem with idealism...
She went on to say, "sometimes if we don't get exactly what we want, we don't appreciate what we have."
Man...I know that that can be true...sometimes I find myself frustrated with Zack for being one way or not being another and in my frustration, I forget how blessed I am that he is my husband and all of the great things about him...as Beth says, "I have a good man!" :)
2. We desire to find our security/identity from someone struggling with their own identity/insecurity.
We expect our husband to fill a need in us that he is not able to fill...he cannot always be what we need him to be...But God is always enough!
3. We think that all fights are bad.
Fights in your marriage can be good if they are fights FOR your marriage. "Fight for your marriage! Fight for your spouse! Every marriage is a marriage worth saving don't give up on your marriage!"
She also had this advice - "Hang out with other couples who also want to make it!"
I don't know if I ever had thought about how important this is...but there is so much truth in that. I think that it is very important to surround yourselves with other people who value their own marriages and your marriage as much as you do!
She closed with a quote from Tony Evans " Submission means learning to duck so that God can hit your husband"
Del Tackett - "The Divine Source of Marriage"
After we got past the start of this talk, where he talked about all of his travels for the last year, I was intrigued by what he had to say... It was insightful.
Del talked about the creation story ...when God looked at man and said, "It is not good for the man to be alone..."
This was the first time in the creation story that God had looked at something and said "It is not good" Del referred to this as a Divine pause in the story of creation, and then he asked the question, "Why is it not good?"
It's all about relationships.
To build a solid marriage you have to look at the blueprints.
God created a social order.
He made an observation about the trinity of God: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. These entities are in perfect relationship with each other. He then related this intimate and perfect relationship to marriage.
Relationships in the trinity:
While being equally God, The Son submits to the Father, and the Father and Son can send the Holy Spirit.
Relationships in marriage:
While equals, the wife submits to the husband, and the children are from the wife and husband.
I found this thought provoking...again...something to really ponder over the next few days...
He related this to the foundation of social order.
1 = aloneness
2 = intimacy, relationship
3+= community, fellowship
Gary Smalley - "The Value of Connecting to the Father"
I really enjoyed Gary Smalley's talk. It was about our belief system and how it affects our marriage. We tend...often without realizing it to buy into the worlds belief about relationships/marriage, and our beliefs are very powerful within us. The worlds view is "It's all about me" This belief destroys our relationships. We try to change those around us into what we want them to be or think that we need or want.
We need to figure out a way to get the beliefs of our heart switched from me centered to God centered.
Matt. 12:34 "...For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks."
Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
He then gave a list of 9 things to do with your spouse to strengthen your marriage and help move the focus of your marriage from "me, me, me" to God then spouse.
1.Pray together
2. Read the Bible together
3. Study together
4. Attend Church Together
5. Memorize and Meditate on Scripture together (pick out 5 verses to memorize together)
6. Christian Radio
7. Christian worship and praise music
8. Christ centered movies
9. and more...
John Trent - "Small Changes, Big Results"
Righteousness = literally translated means "to stay between the lines"
He compared this to driving and how when driving you have to make small changes/corrections (2 degree changes) of the wheel in order to maintain your lane.
He then told a story about how he fell asleep at the wheel and when he woke up, suddenly realizing that he was WAY off course, he made a huge adjustment, jerking the wheel, and subsequently flipping his car.
He stated that we often feel like a big problem requires a big solution...like over correcting the steering wheel.
However, small changes can affect big results.
He related the story of Naaman, a commander of an army who had leprosy. He was told by a slave girl of a prophet in Israel who could heal him. Naaman recieved permission from his King to go to Israel to see this great prophet, but the king sent him to the king of Israel. (Big problem, big solution). When Naaman arrived before the king of Israel, the king tore his clothes, because he know that he could do nothing to save this man. Elisha, sent message to the king of Israel that Naaman should be sent to him, but while Naaman was on his way to see Elisha, he was met by Elisha's servant. The servant told him to go dip 7 times in the river Jordan...Naaman was furious. His servants then asked him, "...if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it?How much more, then, when he tells you , 'wash and be cleansed'!"
He also talked about the crime problem that Mayor Julliani was faced with in his first years in office in NYC. Instead of making major changes to bring down crime he:
1. fixed the broken windows
2. took the graffiti off the subway cars nightly
3. arrested subway turnstile jumpers
4. arrested squeegee men.
These small changes drastically reduced the crime rate in New York City.
He stated that the same thing can be done in your marriages, by making seemingly small changes, you can impact a big results in your marriage.
Some examples of things to do:
1. meaningful touch
2. spoken message
3. attach a high value to them
4. picture a special future for them
5. genuine commitment
There was so much to take in today...So, I deffinately have a lot to think over for the next few days...
Zack and I at lunch
Skye, Doran, and MattAll in all, I would say that the day was full of blessings and I would definitely do it again if given the opportunity.
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