I made it through work week 1 and I am still standing...I know that this is wholly due to the support and prayers that all of you have been sending up for me and to God's faithfulness. Thank you SOOOOO much, you have no idea how much that means to me, or how much knowing that you were out there praying for me got me through the week!
I arrived at work on Monday TERRIFIED by the unknown. This past week was humbling, but rewarding. I have a LOT to learn, but the Dr's, NP's, PA's, and staff in the practice have been SOOO supportive and kind.
I really just shadowed Dr. D this week. Spending time learning how the office works, how the electronic medical records work (ugh!), and seeing how Dr. D relates to her patients. By the end of the week, I was EXHAUSTED! I tried to come home and read an article, or guidelines for one illness or another each night. By Thursday night, I was at my limit. Zack and I went out to dinner and then when we got home, I started trying to read an article about hypertension in children and I could not keep my eyes open. Zack woke up in the middle of the night and found that I had not yet gone to bed (I was passed out on the couch.) He came into the living room and ordered me to bed!
I have been struggling with feelings of inadequacy all week and I was so frustrated with how little I felt that I knew. I mean a LOT of the things that we had seen were things that I used to treat everyday when I was working, albeit in older individuals...and I was at a loss as to what to do. I think that part of that is from my desire to practice as a mini Dr. D...prescribing what Dr. D would and approaching the disease process as Dr. D would. It is also a huge change to have patients that can not tell you how they feel and who cannot follow the directions that you as them to do...like open your mouth wide and say "aww" ...and a lot of them are TERRIFIED of you and push you away screaming bloody murder like you just stabbed them when all you were trying to do was listen to their little heart...it is all new...and in some ways it is all old...but it still feels SO overwhelming.
I did have one moment where I actually felt almost intelligent...a welcome feeling. It was strangely and fittingly, at lunch! ha! We were sitting in the provider office (where all of the Dr., NP, PA desks are located) and one of the mid-levels asked if anyone knew of some medication that might help someone stop dipping...no one said anything. So, I first hesitantly suggested one medication which I learned was no longer on the market for adolescents. Then I suggested another and one of the Dr.s smiled and said, "yes, that one would probably be a good one to try!"! Yea!! Success!! For once this week, I knew the right answer! Hopefully this will happen more and more over the coming weeks.
Next week, I have a couple days of orientation and then I will be seeing patients of my own!!! I am pretty concerned about this. I felt so at a loss this week that the thought of seeing patients and not having Dr. D to come in and follow up behind me, catching the things that I miss, is a little daunting to say the least! She wants me to see sick patient only...which kinda scares me! I mean, I could miss something serious! I would really rather that she have me see the well visits and then slowly move me into sick visits like several of my friends that worked in Pediatrics did...but, to each his own I guess. One of the hardest things about kids is that they can be SUPER sick and not look that bad...I am at a disadvantage as I have not met most of these kids before and so I cannot tell when there is a change in their behavior/ look. Dr. D hospitalized one patient this week that I would have not thought that sick...until we looked at her labs and saw just how bad things were...I mean, when we had walked in that room, the little one was walking around, playing, although a little pale....seemingly just a little under the weather. So, needless to say, I have a LONG way to go. Hopefully soon, I will be a little more comfortable with it all.
Please continue to pray as I make this transition and try to learn as much as I can...and hopefully help a few little ones along the way!!
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