Proverbs 16:9

In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.

This verse definitely seems to have become a theme in my life over the last few months. As many of you know, I have been unemployed since June, when the Dr. that I worked for passed away. The last few months of my job were filled with intense stress, and I was in need of a break. I wasn't really looking for a job when I went to that softball game a few short months ago, I had come to watch Zack and the rest of small group guys play. That particular night, a lady had come to watch her husband play as well and we started to talk. It turned out that she was a Pediatrician that worked for a practice in town and she was wanting to hire a part time PA...everything about the job seemed appealing. She wanted a part time PA...great...someone that was a Christian and held the same beliefs and morals that she did...even better. She wanted someone that she would be able to teach and mold to do things the way that she did them...I was definitely that, and the fact that I had several trips planned, was not an issue...it seemed as if it was a divinely appointed meeting and that this would be a perfect opportunity. I went ahead and applied the next day and then dropped my resume over at her clinic the next week. The process had begun. I went in for an interview, which I think went well...I really liked the Dr. and I thought that we would work well together...I was definitely still very apprehensive, as I had only my previous job experience to draw from, but I believed that if this was what God had planned for me then I would be able to deal with the things that came my way with His help. About a month after my interview, I got a call saying that I had gotten the job. The lady at HR told me that I could have some time to think the offer over, seeing as I was leaving the next day for Belize. I prayed about it in Belize, but didn't feel like I had a clear answer...I wasn't sure what to do. Once I got home, I struggled with it some more...it was such a great opportunity...and all PA jobs could not be the same, right? I decided to take the job. I called the HR department to let them know that I was excepting the offer...only when I called she told me that they were again meeting with administration to determine if they would start the credentialing process immediately or at the first of the year. She told me that she would call at the fist of the week...she didn't. A week and a half went by and I called her back. She didn't return my call...another week and a half went by and I finally reached her. She said that the Office Manager had been in the hospital and that she had not wanted to contact her while she was there, but that she would email her and get back to me as soon as possible. About a week later, she called. I missed her call, but tried to call her several times the next day...we played phone tag, but eventually I got into contact with her...She had called to tell me that they were rescinding their offer because of the economic stresses and the fact that the Dr. was not yet a shareholding physician...and as such if there was not a great enough number of patients to support the position than the clinic would be responsible for funding the position and they were not willing to extend that possibility at this time and thus, they had advised the Dr. not to hire at this time...How is it possible that this could happen...everything seemed to have been falling into place as if God had orchestrated that job for me...so why now would He chose to close that door? I have no idea...I have to admit that I was pretty frustrated. Why do you advertise for a position and offer a position that you are unsure if you can support? It just doesn't make sense does it? So, here I am again at an impasse. I really am at a loss for what direction God would have me to go, but while I can plan out my life all I want to, it is He who directs my steps, and I just have to keep reminding myself, "Paula, God has a plan for your life, and it is far better than any plan that you could come up with...It is His Divine Will and He desires to give you a life and hope!" What an awesome God we serve. I have to admit I do still wish that He would give me a sign as blatant as the hand writing on the wall to tell me what my next step should be...I have to believe that if I keep seeking His will and direction that He will reveil my next step in His perfect timing...but it is so hard to be patient. I am trying to enjoy this time of rest and rebuilding. We watched a video by Rob Bell last night at small group and he talked about how God asked Moses to come up to Mnt. Siani and to just be...to actually experience being at the top of Mnt. Siani. He stated that as humans, we tend to focus on the jouney up the mountain...and then when we reach the top, we are already planing our trip down...we forget to fully experience the summit...we miss out on so many blessings...so, maybe that is what God is saying to me right now..."Paula, I want to you to just be...take time to enjoy me and to rest..." Anyway, I would love it if you would be praying for me as I am continuing to wrestle with and determine what I should do next. Thank you all for being such a support to me. I appreciate you all more that you know.