Giving it to God

Ok, so a lot has happened over the last month. My life has taken lots of ups and downs. Work has been so crazy that I have gone through a myriad of emotions. The Dr. that I work for is currently battling breast cancer. He has undergone several of his chemo treatments. The first treatment knocked him off his feet, causing him to loose 21 pounds in 1 1/2 weeks due to vomiting and diarrhea. They backed off on his medication load and have him taking treatments weekly now instead of every three weeks...and he has improved some...but he is still very weak. He is 78 years old and has been VERY healthy up until this point in his life. He has lived for working at his medical practice and has been working in the same little small town for about 40 years. Because of the importance of the office to him, we have been trying to keep it open. However, in about 1 1/2 weeks our NP is leaving for Maine...meaning that I will basically be the sole provider in the office. Had I a few more years of experience under my belt, this might not be so daunting, but as it is I have not been out of school very long and I find the idea of such responsibility to be overwhelming. The biggest variable is whether or not the Dr. will even be able to come into the office. He has been trying to come in daily for the last 2 weeks. He typically comes in in the afternoons and sees a few patients...but he is so very weak from his treatments. It is very hard to see him like that because as long as I have known him he has been very full of life and not at all looked or acted his age. Apparently, life can age you very quickly if it has a mind to. I have really been trying to give all of this to God. I have really struggled with what I should do about all of this....do I start looking for another job, knowing that if I leave the office will have to close, do I quit my job and take some time off, or do I tough it out...and at what point do I go from being a practitioner practicing under physician supervision to one that is improperly supervised....lots of tough questions that I battle with daily. I am praying that God will give me the strength to give it all to Him...it's like Jarrod always says, "God has a plan for your life that is better than your plan." I just have to be willing to trust Him enough and believe that He can do anything...and find freedom through surrender....but that is so much harder to do than it is to type it into this blog...I think that it is going to take a lot of time seeking God's face, and prayer. Thankfully, God has blessed me with an amazing and supportive husband. I cannot imagine how much worse my situation would be if Zack was not supportive of me, and if he was not willing to support whatever decision that I end up making. I know that all of this has been just as hard, if not in some ways harder, on him as it has been on me. Thank goodness we serve a BIG God. :)